Anxiety Update: When It All Got Bad Again

Trigger warning: Mentions of mental health digression

Hello!

If you read my last anxiety update, you’ll know that I was actually having a pretty good time. I liked how positive my last update was, and I was in two minds about writing this post for that exact reason, because I didn’t want to put a downer on it. But, I know so many of you like my anxiety updates and I always receive the nicest messages when I post them, so I thought why not post where I am truthfully at right now? After all, there is no straight road to recovery when it comes to mental health.

Ahhhh, where to start.

So, things were good. I felt settled in my new house, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made friends on my course, and I was very happy. And then life twisted a little, and it went a little down hill.

Two major things happened:

  1. We started having some issues within the house. This made me feel unsafe, and hence, brought on a string of anxiety attacks.
  2. Zack found out that he’s being sent away for 6 months.

And my world got a little cloudier again. Both of these events happened at around the same time, and at first I thought I was ok. I tried to be positive about Zack going away (even though I didn’t feel it) and tried to make light of the situation, I also tried to joke about the house situation. However, I could feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface. That’s how it actually felt, like my stomach was bubbling, and I tried really really hard to keep it all in.

Until last week.

Last week I broke. I’d been feeling my anxiety coming on and getting stronger for weeks and weeks and I’d been trying to ignore it, but I broke eventually. And I felt defeated because I had had such a good run for a few months, and I’d tricked myself into thinking that my life could be like this, and that I could just ignore my mental health/

 

Today I took the day off of university. I had to, I was too exhausted. Does anyone else get that horrible exhaustion from anxiety where all you can do is stare at the ceiling? You’re too tired to even sleep? Yeah, that. So I had to take the day off.

I spent the day blogging, reading and recovering. I ate carbs, watched YouTube videos and was kind to myself. I hate taking days off for mental health purposes, but sometimes they are just necessary. If I’d have tried to push myself today, it would’ve just got progressively worse. So, instead I’ve taken a day out to rest and recoup, and tomorrow I’ll (hopefully) be back to myself, and I’ll feel so much better for it.

Rest is necessary, be kind to yourself.

Love,

H x

 

As ever, I am happy to discuss my own mental health experiences with anyone over on my social channels (Instagram and twitter). I am no expert on this topic, but I can be honest and speak from personal experience. If you require support please visit this web page from Time To Change, where further support is detailed. 

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Anxiety Update: Starting Second Year

Bloody hell. I have such a love/hate relationship with writing these posts, but I think they’re super important so here goes. 

I’ve started my second year at university. I’ve actually been in it for a few weeks now, and it’s going quite well to be honest. 

I haven’t had a panic attack in quite a while actually. This is probably the longest I’ve gone in quite a long time, so I’m feeling pretty positive at the moment. I haven’t felt ill or even had cramps (my main symptom). I think this is partly down to the fact that I love the people that I live with. I feel safe here and happy and content, and it’s a really nice feeling. 

I’ve also been meeting a few new people. I’ve put myself out there on my course a little more and started sitting with people who were just acquaintances before. Again, it’s pretty nice. I feel very content and a lot more confident in myself. 

I’ve met up with one of my friends that I met through blogging (abbey!!) and it’s really nice to have someone there to discuss that side of my life with, rather than trying to hide it from people who I’m worried will laugh at me. 

I mean, my anxiety hasn’t gone obviously. There’s no real cure, and I know it will always be there bubbling under the surface, but for now I’ve been having a good run. 

I mean, there’s been a few times when I’ve felt myself slipping into a hole. But, I’ve been trying to concentrate really hard on my work and what I need to do to achieve this year, and so far it’s stopped me from sinking. 

So yeah. I wasn’t going to write this update, because it’s quite positive rather than negative, but I realised that I only ever share the negatives when it comes to anxiety. So I thought it would be nice to write quite a positive post about how I’ve been feeling lately, for me to look back on when it’s a little tougher to remind me that I can do this and I can get through this. 

Lots of love,

H x

University Update: The End Of First Year


So, I’ve officially finished the end of my first year of university. I’m no longer a fresher, and I’m a little scared for the future. I have blogged a few times about my experiences at university, particularly when I first went, so I thought it would only be right to update you on everything now that my first year is over!

All in all, I didn’t have a bad first year. Grades wise I’m very happy with what I managed to achieve, and I really enjoyed most of my modules and classes so that’s a positive. But this year has been hard, and I’m not going to sugar coat that.

I’ve really learnt a lot about myself this year. I’ve learnt a lot about mental illness, and a lot about my anxiety and how it can affect my body. I’ve experienced the worst my anxiety has ever been for prolonged periods of time, but I’ve come out of the other end and I feel stronger mentally now.

However, this crippling anxiety that I experienced towards the last few months of my first year did mean that I’ve missed out on things I wanted to attend. I’ve also distanced myself from the friends I first made, and that really makes me sad because I was so happy with my friends at the end of the first term.

To put it bluntly, my anxiety has been making me physically ill. This, combined with the stress of university has really taken it’s toll on me mentally and physically which is why I resulted in distancing myself from my friends a little. This is my own fault completely, but it is because when I’ve tried to explain my anxiety to friends in the past I’ve been ridiculed, so I tend not to mention it now.

I was very unhappy with where I lived in first year, especially towards the end. This made me feel unsafe and contributed to the anxiety I was already feeling, so I was at a real low.

The first year of university just really wasn’t what I expected it to be. However, I love my job, my course, and the people I’m living with in September, so here’s hoping for a much better second year!

Love,

H x

Mental Health And Me: An Anxiety Update


Trigger warning: mentions of anxiety, depression, and vomit. 

Hello! I’ve written quite a few posts about my anxiety in the past, so it only seemed right to update you on how everything’s going. Plus, many of you read my recent post and got a little worried, so here’s a little update on where I’m at right now.

For a bit of background info, in case you didn’t know, I was diagnosed with anxiety at 14. My first ever panic attack was the day before my first ever GCSE exam, and it was AW-FUL. I continued to have panic attacks, around 3-4 a day, from this point until I reached the age of about 16. More on that later.  Continue reading “Mental Health And Me: An Anxiety Update”