Where Am I Now? A Year In Review


Hello again, and welcome back to my blog!

If you follow me on social media, you may be aware that today is actually the first anniversary of my blog, LifeThroughTSG is one year old! So, to mark the occasion, I thought I would share some of the things that my blog has brought me over the last year!


Friends

I am not the type to have massive friendship groups, I can be quite untrusting and I’m just simply not outgoing enough to maintain lots of friendships. However, blogging has brought me more friends than I ever expected, and true friends too, as cheesy as it sounds. I know I have friends through blogging, some of which I’ve never even met in real life, whom I can chat to and tell pretty much anything without being judged, and that’s pretty damn special. 


Opportunities

I have said it so many times but I will say it again, I didn’t start blogging for the opportunities. In fact, blogging has brought me more opportunities than I ever expected! It really has enabled me to do things I would have never even have thought of, and I just love that doing what I love allows me to try so many new things!


Confidence

Now, this is something I really didn’t expect to come from this. I always thought I was quite confident in my writing, but I knew I was not in so many aspects of my life. However, recently I re-visited a park that I first visited a few months into blogging. The first time I visited, I was shy and completely did not believe in my abilities. I wouldn’t talk to my snapchat camera, I was embarrassed taking photos on my iPhone, I wouldn’t pose, hell, I wouldn’t even take a selfie! Although I loved the images that I got that day at the time, and still do now, my face isn’t in a single one of them! I was shy, and terrified what people who I didn’t even know would think of me! When I re-visited the park, I took photos on my camera boldly. I chatted with the locals, smiled and laughed. I took public outfit photos and laughed WITH people about my silly poses. I danced around, sang, and even updated my Instagram story! I wore heels, yes, to a park, because I wanted to take outfit pictures, and I didn’t even think about what others would think. I was happy, and I felt free. I felt like I could publically do what I love without having to be embarrassed about it.


Blogging has also enabled me to begin a youtube channel, something I could only dream of this time last year!
Blogging has improved my confidence in a way I just couldn’t predict. In fact, it sounds a little dramatic, but it has actually improved so many different areas of my life! It’s improved me, and given me a fresh love for life!
So, I guess what I am saying is that I am so glad that, one year ago today, I opened up this little wordpress account with 0 followers and began to write.
So here’s to one year LifeThroughTSG! Thank you for all you’ve brought and taught me, it’s safe to say that that glass isn’t so tear stained after all.
Love,
H x

‘NICE TITS’

Today it was 29 degrees. I wore a vest top with trousers. If you read my blog regularly, you may know that I absolutely hate my arms, so this was a big step for me, but I did it anyway because it was so hot. 
I am a 36G bust. I will put that out there now. So, sometimes, even the most modest looking clothes look really provocative on me. I’ve spoken out in the past how hard it is to find clothes to fit my body, but today I felt quite good in a little white vest and tapered trousers, as they fit my body. 

However, today I was made to feel ashamed for my body. After watching a fellow female being harassed by some men in a van earlier today who ‘needed’ to tell her how ‘hot’ she is via a window when she was with her children, making her visibly uncomfortable yet still carrying on, I was already a bit angry. But, I carried on my day, and ending up sat on a bench to eat some lunch with my little brother, close to quite a busy road. 

Sometime after I had been sitting there, I saw a group of around 15 MEN (I’m talking late 30’s to early 50’s). I dread situations like this every time I leave the house, so I quickly put my head down and tried to make myself invisible to them. 

But, of course, they noticed my chest. Although, luckily, they didn’t stop to chat, they did make a few disgusting comments whilst they past, which were very clearly audible to me. Earlier this week I was also pipped at and wolf whistled by a man in a van, much to my discomfort. So I felt the need to write this post, because it’s just not fair. 

This last week, it’s been highs of 30 degrees. That’s pretty damn hot. All around me I see men comfortably walking around without a shirt on, but we cannot do that, we are expected to ‘cover up’ because we are women. When these men walk around without anything on their top, it’s fine. I have never witnessed a female sexualising them for it, they do it because of the heat. 

But, as females, we cannot do that. We are made to feel ridiculed and like we deserve to be sexualised, just because we want to keep cool in the heat. I’m so tired of it. The female I mentioned earlier in this post was wearing a maxi dress, I was wearing full length trousers, we were both, if anything, already wearing TOO MANY clothes for the current climate. But, yet, we were still made to feel dirty and as though we had dressed that way so that men could sexualise us, and it is so wrong. 

I just want to live in a world where women are equal. People say that feminism is pointless in today’s era because women are equal, but we are not in so many different ways. We cannot even leave the house, in June, in 30 degree heat, in a vest that shows off a little bit of cleavage, because we are sexual objects. I cannot even sit on a bench with my little brother, without being reminded of the desire that MIDDLE AGED MEN have for my ‘impressive chest’. 

I feel sick and uncomfortable. And now I just wanna go home and hide for the rest of the day. 

Being in the fish bowl.


Hello.

Before I start, I really should say that this isn’t going to be the chirpy, upbeat post that you maybe expect from me.

This is going to be raw, because it’s all about my life lately.

I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was diagnosed at 14, a lot of you know that, I’ve written about it on here many times before.

But, lately it’s gotten a lot worse.

I’ve hit a really rough patch, and it’s the worst time of the year for this to happen because it’s exam season, yay.

I’ve literally been feeling so isolated and so alone. I’ve been feeling like I’m literally trapped inside a fishbowl with no way to get out. Everyone around me seems to be living, but I do not feel like I am whatsoever.

I feel like I am caught on the outside staring at the world. Nothing quite seems right or real.

I feel very lost, and very detached and very alone even though I know there are people I can talk to.

I guess I just don’t know how to snap out of this. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way but I really really wish I did.

Have you ever felt like you’re trapped inside a fish bowl? Being forced to do the same thing day after day, with no escape? With the water clouding your vision? With the world around you just carrying on?

I know I will be okay, I really do. Just, right now, I wish I could be okay already. All of my posts, uni work, everything is suffering because I am, and I don’t know why and I don’t know what it is.

I hope I get back to being myself soon.

Love,

H x

Finding Out Who You Really Are


A bit of a deep post today if I’m honest, but this is something that I’ve been thinking about A LOT recently. 

For the last few years, sort of when I got to 16 and beyond, I have really really worried about who I am. That sounds ridiculous, but I always sort of felt like a nothing person in that I didn’t feel like I had a style, or anything special about me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my future, I struggled to know what I enjoy, and I worried that I never would know these things. 

At 16, I think you’re pressured into making a lot of decisions. I had to decide if I wanted to stay on at school and, if so,  what I wanted to study. Soon after, I had to decide what I wanted to carry on studying. Then UCAS came around and I had to decide on universities and courses. In the middle of all of this, I was maturing personally and struggling to decide a lot of things about me. Now, I’m at university and thinking about my future and it’s just all so overwhelming. I think if you let it, it really can consume you because it’s scary to be told at 16/17/18/19 by adults with 20+ years of experience on you that you NEED to know. 

Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t. I’ve always been a very planned person, and I felt obliged to justify every choice I made. I wanted to study English because I love it, but it’s not deemed the most prestigious of subjects job-wise (more on that in a later post) and I felt like I had to justify this decision. So, I started saying i wanted to become a teacher because it made my life easier to pretend I had a plan. In reality, I really didn’t have a plan at all, but that is OKAY. 

The fact that I didn’t have a plan scared me because I didn’t feel like I knew who I was yet and i had so many people telling me that I should, it’s scary and it’s pressurising. But, I think it’s something we all come to find at different stages of our lives. Now, at 19, I run this blog which I absolutely love and has definitely contributed towards me becoming ‘me’. I know what my style is, I know what clothes suit me, I know what my writing style is. I know what I do and don’t like, and I know what kind of person I want to be in this world. I also know how I want to spend my future and what career pathway I want to take. 

But all of this knowledge is temporary because as we grow, inevitably, it will change but that is OKAY. In a few years time, I might no longer know the answers to any of the things that I know now but that’s fine, because now I have the confidence in myself to know that I will find these answers again. 

So, if you’re feeling under pressure, scared for your future, or feeling like a nothing-person like I was because you don’t know the answers to all of the decisions you’re being asked to make, don’t worry about it. You’ll get there eventually when you are ready, it’s different for everyone but don’t panic. And, when you do know the answers to these questions, don’t panic if you change your mind. As we grow and evolve, change is inevitable and change is a good thing. 

You will find out who you are eventually, but until then, you are not a nothing-person. Don’t compare your growth to someone else’s, they’re different to you and on their own timeline. Everything you learn whilst finding out who you are will eventually add up and become who you are. We need these lessons along the way to learn who we really are. 

I guess the reason I wanted to write this post was just to say that it’s totally okay if you don’t feel like you know who you are yet. We grow at different paces so don’t panic, you’ll get there. 

Love,

H x

A Letter To My Fiancé


Dear Z,

You don’t read my blog, so who knows if you’ll actually ever read this? But, in my letter series, many of the letters have been deeply emotional but also, in a way, negative. It didn’t seem right to me to have a letter series without including a letter to you, and I am also hoping that this one may be slightly more positive than the others.

Where to start?

I love you, but you know that. But you taught me how to love. Seriously, even though you were my first love, I thought I knew what love was. But the love that you’ve taught me, honestly, is beyond anything I could have imagined.

I view you as being such a pure person, but I think that’s just because of the purity and light you bring to my life. There’s something so innocently fun about you and, even though I have matured whilst I have been with you, obviously as we’ve been together since we were 13, I’ve also learnt when it’s okay to be immature. And, when it’s okay to let go a little bit and just live.

My brain doesn’t work like yours, you know that. So, before you, I really didn’t know how to be spontaneous. I had to plan the simplest of things down to fine detail and worry about every single outcome involved. To an extent, I still do that now. But you’ve taught me that I don’t always have to, and it’s okay to let loose a little sometimes.

Honestly, I couldn’t imagine anyone in this world being better for me than you. I know how incredibly cheesy that sounds, but, as well as all of the things you’ve taught me about having a relationship, you’ve also taught me so much about myself.

The things we have been through together, already, show me that we can face anything in this world together. I am just so excited to marry you and I wish it were sooner, because I really cannot wait to spend a whole day celebrating our love and our relationship.

You saved me Z, you know that. I mean, I saved me, but your support is really what pulled me through. You know absolutely everything about me and I really feel as though I have given my soul to you.

I’m a romantic, I always have been. But I also have a very good way of knowing when something’s real.

I cannot wait to marry you and to begin the rest of our lives together.

Love,

H x

7 Things I’ve Achieved In A Week

In order to spread a little more positivity, I’ve decided to try and find an achievement every single day for a week and document it. This is from a few weeks ago now, but I hope this inspires me to continue to look for the positives every week and dwell less on the negatives. Ok, I’ll be updating this daily so see you tomorrow!

Monday

Today I had an awful migraine and did not make it into uni, but let’s not dwell on the negatives. Despite my migraine, I finally started the essay I’d been putting off today and managed to write 1/3 of it, which I’m pretty happy with!

Tuesday 

I still felt ill today but my achievement was definitely actually making it into uni despite my migraine and my friend not being there!

Wednesday

Today I hit two of my major blog goals, 1,000 instagram followers and 100 WordPress followers! I’m so happy as I’ve really worked hard on my Instagram lately and I’m glad it’s paying off.

Thursday

Today I spent a full day revising and being productive and I’m so proud of myself because I’ve been really down lately. Yay!

Friday

Today I made it to my 3pm seminar, even though I had anxiety attacks throughout the day. Really happy with myself.

Saturday 

Today I started work on a project that I’d been putting off and now I’m actually pretty excited about it!

Sunday

Today my achievement was enabling myself to take a break from everything and relax, we all need to do it sometimes!

 

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post! Let me know in the comments if you did!

Love,

H x

How ’13 Reasons Why’ Helped My Relationship


I really wasn’t going to write a blog post about this series, I really wasn’t. I made my own thoughts on it pretty clear when I went on a little twitter rant. In case you didn’t see my rant, I’m going to share my opinions below. I’m also going to say ‘Trigger Warning’ for this post because I’m unsure what exact direction this is going to take, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Ok, so I watched 13 reasons when the hype was at it’s highest point, so pretty much as soon as it came out. I was completely and absolutely hooked on the show whilst I was watching it, and I thought, at the time, that I was enjoying it. However, soon after finishing, I realised just how much it had affected me. It brought back all of those feelings that I, myself, have had before and it all just got way too real for me. It scared me, and put me in an absolutely awful place because I began to think that it showed me, if I hadn’t had the support I needed at the time when I felt that way. This support was from my boyfriend, who’s now my fiancé. Continue reading “How ’13 Reasons Why’ Helped My Relationship”

How I Deal With My Anxiety Attacks

This post is being written following the success of my last post, What My Anxiety Attacks Feel Like.

Hello!!

Today I thought I’d just share a few tips about how I deal with my anxiety attacks, and a few coping methods I use to get myself through them. A small disclaimer, I’m not a doctor, nor am I an expert, but I do experience anxiety attacks first hand and I am writing this post to share some methods of coping that work from my own experience, however I cannot guarantee that any of these methods will work for you.

  • Concentrate on my breathing

Sounds obvious, but this is the most important thing to do whilst trying to cope with an anxiety attack. They aren’t fun, and they can be really scary and upsetting, but you must remember to breathe. I sometimes use videos on Youtube such as this one which help me to really control my breathing and calm myself down.

  • Drink water

Again, sounds obvious, no break through here. But, sometimes in my state of panic I can completely forget about hydration, particularly if I am having a really bad night where I am having multiple panic attacks continually. Water just helps me though, it is a necessity and it helps me with the sick feeling I tend to get.

  • Cold Ice Pack

This is pretty specific to my experience, as this helps MASSIVELY with my cramps. However, if you have cramps too, I would 100% recommend an ice pack to ease them, it works so well for me!

  • Grounding

This is quite a common technique used by anxiety sufferers. But, if you have never come across the term before, this blog post is brilliant at explaining many different types of grounding techniques, and these have definitely helped me!

  • Distraction

This doesn’t always work, but sometimes I can ease my anxiety attacks by busying myself with a task. Mobile games are fab for this, as are tasks which require a great amount of concentration such as writing blog posts ;).

  • Wait it out

If worst comes to worst, you’ve just got to wait it out. But, remind yourself that you have done this before, and you have recovered from this before and you can do this. And, if you have someone to talk to, they can always be a good help!

Thanks for reading guys, I hope this has helped you a little! If you, yourself, experience anxiety attacks or know someone who does and know a few of your own coping techniques, please feel free to share them in the comments. Let’s all help each other out!

Love,

H x

10 Things That I Would Save In A Fire

 

Hello!

Today I have a little tag all about the top ten things I would grab if my house was on fire! 

  1. My Phone

This one is first because it would probably be supeeeeer close to me, if not in my hand! I mean, I need this for practical reasons like ringing the fire station, right?

2. Photo of me and my uncle

He passed away 11 years ago now and I have no digital copies of this photo, so it would definitely be the second thing I’d grab!

3. My Laptop

I know you can replace a laptop, but the thought of losing EVERYTHING on it (like I did recently when it broke) is too scary!

4. My Dressing Gown

This is literally the most used thing I own, so I’m very attached to it. Plus, it might be cold outside!

5. My Makeup Bag

Typical beauty fanatic, but I wouldn’t wanna have to replace the contents of this baby!

6. Beary

This is a bear Z bought me before he went away and it holds a massive place in my heart. Plus, it wears my favourite T-Shirt of Z’s so double the sentiment!

7. My Uni Bag

This has alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of my uni work in it and I’d be crazy to leave it behind!

8. A Snack

I’m a foodie and the trauma of a fire would probably leave me hungry, who knows?

9. My Comfort Cushions

These were both made for me before I went to uni to act as a comfort for when I miss home, and I’d definitely want to grab them before I left!

10. My Watch

Again, for sentimental reasons, and also for practicality!

 

As I wrote this, I realised that grabbing 10 whole things in a fire is quite a lot, probably wouldn’t have time to grab them all! However, it’s a fun tag to do anyway! Let me know if you decide to do this tag too!

Love,

H x

19 Things I’ve Learnt In 19 Years

  1. You cannot please everyone. 
  2. Pretending you’re someone you’re not in order to fit in will make you feel lonelier than being yourself and being alone. 
  3. Everyone has their own issues and difficulties. 
  4. If you try hard enough, you’ll be successful eventually. 
  5. When things go wrong, everything else tends to go wrong with it. 
  6. Starting the day with a negative mindset will make the day a bad one. 
  7. Being alone is okay. 
  8. There is no use worrying about things you cannot change. 
  9. Life goes on. Seriously, no matter how awful you feel the world will carry on around you. 
  10. You’re not always in control of every aspect of your life. 
  11. It’s okay to have a day where you accomplish nothing. 
  12. Don’t give up on your own personal morals, values, thoughts and dreams. They make you. 
  13. The thinkers get the furthest in life. 
  14. You’re your own best friend. 
  15. It’s okay not to be okay. 
  16. Getting drunk isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. 
  17. You don’t always have to be happy and outgoing and loud to do well. 
  18. No matter how bad a situation is, it will end. 
  19. You can do this, no matter how many times you tell yourself that you can’t. 

Love,

H x