I got engaged at 18. I am now 19, and I’m beginning wedding planning. I’ve been with my fiance for the last 6 years (today actually, happy anniversary babe!) and I have known that he is my soul mate since I was 13 years old. Sounds crazy right? Here’s my experience…
When you tell your friends and family that you’re in a relationship at 13 years old, they are probably, definitely, not expecting you to still be with them 6 years later and planning your wedding. Heck, when I got into our relationship at 13 years old I probably wasn’t expecting that either. I knew I had feelings for my new boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t know the extent of those feelings straight away or how much they would deepen. It’s unusual in our society, but it does happen for some people, and I am proof of that! In fact, I know quite a few bloggers who are in similar situations to me relationship-wise, and it’s really nice to have someone who gets it.
Don’t get me wrong, our relationship has had it’s fair-share of hardships. As well as allllll of the good memories that we have, me and Zack have also experienced a lot of things that most relationships probably don’t have to contend with. Being a teenager can be hard sometimes, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone there who always has your back.
A couple of decades ago, being engaged and planning a future with your partner would have been completely normal. But, for some reason, our generation has become very opposed to young relationships/marriages. There seems to be this trend circulating about how you have to ’find yourself’ before you get into a serious relationship. I’ve even seen others say that your twenties is for ‘finding yourself’ and that you cannot do that whilst in a relationship. To be completely honest, I think that’s complete bullshit. If you’re with the right person, they will help you to grow and to ‘find yourself’. For the last 6 years I have been growing and finding myself, all with the support of my amazing fiance who has helped me to grow and find who I want to be. Am I done growing and learning about life yet? Nope. But I hope I am still learning new things when I am 90 years old, so I definitely don’t feel like I am hindered by the fact that I will be married in my early twenties.
Ok, so what’s getting engaged at 18 really like? I’ll be honest, it’s a very mixed bag. Some people, those who truly know you, will be happy for you. They will know how serious you are about each other and how serious your feelings are, and they will support you 100%. Others, who don’t know you so well, will wrongfully judge you. They will think that you’re silly and that you’re ‘playing’ happy families. They won’t understand, and they will laugh behind your back when they think you’re not looking saying that you will never work.
I was talking to one of my closest friends about this recently actually, because I was explaining that a few times at uni people have come up to me and said ‘Oh, so you’re the one who’s engaged at 19?!’. It makes me feel SO uncomfortable, and I was explaining this to her, and saying that it makes me feel like people are talking behind my back about me and laughing at us thinking we won’t work. She said ‘have you SEEN you two together?’, and I knew instantly exactly what she meant. Anyone who has actually met me and Zack and knows us well hasn’t questioned our decision to marry young, so why on earth should I be concerned about what people who barely know us, and have never met us both, think? I shouldn’t. Because I know my heart and I know Zack’s and that’s all that matters.
Do I think that we have rushed into anything?
Short answer, no. To be blunt, we waited 3 years to have sex, 5 to get engaged, we haven’t moved in together yet, and we will have been together for 8 1/2 years by the time we get married, and that’s longer than most couples tend to wait in 21st century!
Do I think that love is ageless?
Yes I do. Thanks to Miley Cyrus’ Miles To Go, I have always believed that, as long as you are mature enough to understand what love is, you can certainly fall in love at any age.
Do I think that being engaged at 18 is for everyone?
Certainly not! I think that marriage, engagement, commitment, relationships, they should all come when you’re ready. If you’re never ready, that’s fine. If you don’t feel ready until you’re 92, that’s fine. If you’re ready at 18, that’s fine. We are all different and our feelings and personal growth all develop at different rates and that is perfectly ok.
What does twitter want to know?
I asked my twitter followers if there was anything specific that they wanted to know about being engaged at 18/19, so here are a few of the questions that I was asked!
Well, obviously Zack asked me, and I didn’t that he was going to ask until he did. But, we had spoken about marriage and the future a lot, and I did tell him that I didn’t want to be engaged before I went to university, but that’s mainly because I was worried about what other people would think. I knew I was ready to make the commitment, and that I wanted to marry Zack when I was 16 years old and he first joined the army. I didn’t get to see him for 6 weeks, and communication was minimal, and I knew about half way through that experience that I 100% wanted to marry this man. But, I knew I wasn’t ready to be engaged just yet, as I wanted to grow as a person and become more mature before I made that commitment. The timing of Zack’s proposal was definitely the right time for me, and I couldn’t have been any happier when it happened.
I actually asked Zack this question too, and he response was:
No actually! I did expect parents etc to question if we were ready, but everyone seemed to agree that it was the right time. I think our parents had been expecting it for a while, so nobody that really knows us had much to say at all. They were all really supportive actually, which was really nice as I was a little worried about their reaction (even though Zack had actually told everyone before he had asked me!).
Yes and no I guess. I had a weird fixation with getting married at 21, but that won’t be happening and that went away as I got more mature. When I got to around 16, I knew that I wanted to commit to Zack through marriage, and I knew that I wanted it to be soonish (as in not having to wait until we were in our 30’s!).
Marriage is important to me because I feel like it’s a commitment that I really want to make because I am in love with this person and I am sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I know that it’s not really necessary in today’s society, and I don’t feel like it’s necessary to prove my love in any shape or form. But, my parents are divorced and I think that greatly influenced how much I want to get married because it’s made me want a really strong, stable, family unit in my future (excuse me for sounding like Ms May in that sentence). I also know that marriage isn’t necessary for that, but I definitely feel like it’s a step that I want to take to celebrate the love that me and zack share, and to become an union, and I cannot wait until I get to refer to Zack as my husband. I will also be taking his last name, because I bloody hate mine lol.
Definitely not. We had been together for over 5 years so that stage had long surpassed us! We are both quite mature for 19, and I would say that the ‘honeymoon stage’ probably ended for us when we were around 14/15 as that’s when we had a lot of personal issues to deal with, and instead of splitting us up like everyone thought they would, they just brought us closer together!
So, I guess, what I am trying to say in this post is, hun, YOU DO YOU. 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼. Everyone has different development journeys, and if something feels like it’s happening at the right time for you, then why should anyone else tell you that it’s not?!