Why Am I So Bad At Taking Breaks?

If there’s one thing that I simply cannot do, it’s take a break.

You’ve probably realised this if you’ve followed me for, well, about 2 weeks.

I always say I’m going to have a break, and I never do. I mean, for gods sake, I started this blog the week of my a level exams because I was panicking that I was going to be bored over the summer. I’m just bloody awful at it, I can’t stop, I always have to be doing something.

For years now, I’ve actually considered this an off-spring of my anxiety, because my brain. is constantly working so quick that, generally, if I don’t have something to occupy me, my thoughts float to those anxious places that I don’t want to go to.

However, this has resulted in an eventual crash, many, many times. A few weeks ago I said I was going to take a blog break, I really needed to because I had an exam coming up, as well as two written work deadlines, and I completed blogmas all whilst working on revision and my deadlines. I had 2 days off over Christmas, that’s it.

So, yeah, I should’ve taken a blog break. And it lasted 2 days.

Shocking, right?

And I make jokes about it like ‘oh guys, my blog break lasted 2 days here’s a new post lol’, but it actually is a bit concerning. I don’t seem to have the bit in my brain that’s like BREAK TIME. And I’ve always been like this. I’ve always pushed myself too hard and then ended up breaking down.

I think this is possibly because I live so in fear of my anxiety that I just try to avoid it. I mean, I can officially say that I successfully completed December without having an anxiety attack (that I remember anyway) which is big for me, yay! But, I also know full-well that the reason for this is because I busied myself to the point of exhaustion.

And then I went back to uni and as soon as I stepped foot in my house I realised I was really ill (3 days before my exam). So I decided to take that day off to ‘get better’, hoping that it was a 24 hour thing. However, I just progressively got worse. And my brain just slowed down. It was so frustrating because for like 3 days my brain just wouldn’t work how it usually does, and, of course, one of those days was my exam day.

To be honest, it will be a miracle if I have passed that exam. But I’ve come to terms with it now, and accepted that there’s nothing that I can do about illness. So, if I have to resit to pass, then that’s what will have to happen.

But, exam aside, it is actually quite concerning that, even when I was ill, I pushed myself to that point. Yes, I had an exam. But just before that time I was also writing blog posts, replying to emails, I was trying to function even though I should’ve known that it was only making me worse.

And now I’ve finally had a break. It may have only been a day or two, but it was a complete break where I genuinely laid and stared at the ceiling and cried on Zack (thanks bae).

So, why am I so bad at taking breaks? I don’t know, I don’t have an answer. But I am trying to get better, and hopefully I don’t have to push myself to this point next time. I’m slowly trying to get back to grips with everything atm, and hopefully I’ll be back on top form soon!

Love,

H x

Advertisements

6 Replies to “Why Am I So Bad At Taking Breaks?”

  1. I relate to this post a great deal! I too have been thinking (and talking a lot about!) taking a blogging break because I just have so much on at the minute! However, I have still yet to do so mainly just because I don’t want to stop! Like you, my brain doesn’t really seem to have an off switch which in the past has led to me crashing when I just completely run out of energy! I think that it is all part of the learning curve of life to manage things like this and start to be able to let ourselves off the hook! Here’s hoping we are both successful in the end!

    Abbey 🎨

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s