Trigger warning: Mentions of mental health digression
If you read my last anxiety update, you’ll know that I was actually having a pretty good time. I liked how positive my last update was, and I was in two minds about writing this post for that exact reason, because I didn’t want to put a downer on it. But, I know so many of you like my anxiety updates and I always receive the nicest messages when I post them, so I thought why not post where I am truthfully at right now? After all, there is no straight road to recovery when it comes to mental health.
Ahhhh, where to start.
So, things were good. I felt settled in my new house, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made friends on my course, and I was very happy. And then life twisted a little, and it went a little down hill.
Two major things happened:
- We started having some issues within the house. This made me feel unsafe, and hence, brought on a string of anxiety attacks.
- Zack found out that he’s being sent away for 6 months.
And my world got a little cloudier again. Both of these events happened at around the same time, and at first I thought I was ok. I tried to be positive about Zack going away (even though I didn’t feel it) and tried to make light of the situation, I also tried to joke about the house situation. However, I could feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface. That’s how it actually felt, like my stomach was bubbling, and I tried really really hard to keep it all in.
Until last week.
Last week I broke. I’d been feeling my anxiety coming on and getting stronger for weeks and weeks and I’d been trying to ignore it, but I broke eventually. And I felt defeated because I had had such a good run for a few months, and I’d tricked myself into thinking that my life could be like this, and that I could just ignore my mental health/
Today I took the day off of university. I had to, I was too exhausted. Does anyone else get that horrible exhaustion from anxiety where all you can do is stare at the ceiling? You’re too tired to even sleep? Yeah, that. So I had to take the day off.
I spent the day blogging, reading and recovering. I ate carbs, watched YouTube videos and was kind to myself. I hate taking days off for mental health purposes, but sometimes they are just necessary. If I’d have tried to push myself today, it would’ve just got progressively worse. So, instead I’ve taken a day out to rest and recoup, and tomorrow I’ll (hopefully) be back to myself, and I’ll feel so much better for it.
Rest is necessary, be kind to yourself.
As ever, I am happy to discuss my own mental health experiences with anyone over on my social channels (Instagram and twitter). I am no expert on this topic, but I can be honest and speak from personal experience. If you require support please visit this web page from Time To Change, where further support is detailed.