A Letter To My Bullies

Dear the people who bullied me,

I bet you’re surprised to be hearing from me right? I’m surprised that I’m writing to you to be honest, but there’s so much that I need to say that I will never get the opportunity to.

The first thing, and maybe the most surprising, is that I don’t hate you. We will never be friends, and I can never forgive you for what you put me through, but I don’t hate you. You were only 13 yourselves and you had so much to learn about the world, I hope you have learnt how to treat people and how to respect others.

I also don’t 100% blame you. Granted, you made a large portion of my life a living hell, but I was an easy target. Once I got with Z I distanced myself from my friends which caused an argument which started the bullying. The argument definitely was not your fault, I was going through the divorce of my parents, the discovery of my anxiety disorder and many other personal issues that I don’t want to share and I distanced myself because I just couldn’t deal with the dramas and fallouts that having 13 year old friends inevitably comes with. That was my fault, and I accept that.

But that doesn’t make what you did to me okay. As well as ruining my confidence and worsening my anxiety disorder, you made me question myself and my own sanity and that isn’t okay. You knew the things that you were doing to me, but instead of admitting to them and accepting your punishment, you chose to deny them again and again and make me look ridiculous. I became paranoid. Any little thing that you said/tweeted that could remotely be about me became the most hurtful thing that anyone had ever said to me. Granted you were clever and never made it obvious, but this was what hurt the most.

For your sake, I hope you never have to go through what you subjected me to. I would not wish that upon anyone. Questioning your own mind, the only place where you are truly alone in this world, is the most terrifying thing I have ever had to experience. I also hope you never have to watch your own children go through something similar to this, but if you do, think of how you treated me please, and remind yourself that these bullies are just the same as you were when you were younger, it may help you deal with the problem.

 I wish you’d have given me some physical evidence that I could report. But, like I said, you were cleverly cunning and never got caught. Your denial still messes with me now though, the emotional abuse has scarred me.

But, all said and done, I wrote this post to thank you. Without the abuse and hurt you subjected me to, I sure as hell would not be where I am today. Winning the battle with you and coming out of the other side showed me that I really can face anything, and I am so much stronger for it. My self confidence is stronger than ever because I had to claw for it back, and I know now that a few mean comments are not the end of the world because, realistically, there will be a day when they don’t affect me anymore. When I used to see your names or see you in the street I would feel anger, hate and upset, but now I feel nothing and that shows me that I’ve won.

So thank you for every night I spent crying myself to sleep, thank you for every anxiety attack, for every mean comment, for every threat, for every tweet, for every sly look, for every little ounce of hurt, because all of those things made me who I am now and showed me I could deal with anything that life throws at me, and I love myself more than ever.

Ultimately, your torment only ever made me work harder and learn to fight for every single thing that I want in life. You taught me life lessons that could not be faked, and I am ever grateful that I was able to learn them at such a young age.

I wish you the best for the future and I hope you have nice lives. I know you’re not bad people, it was a bad thing to do but that doesn’t make you an all-bad person.

Love,

H x

DrugRehab.com have provided a guide to the effects of bullying, including how this can possibly lead to drug use. Although this did not happen to me, I think this is a very serious issue which should be discussed, hence its inclusion here. If you would like to read DrugRehab.com’s guide, you can do so HERE. 

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10 Replies to “A Letter To My Bullies”

  1. well done for sharing this letter. Myself I was bullied a lot back when I was a teenager. I never knew or understand why? I was sometimes bullied for things that I NEVER said but people were making up stuff about me and a lot believe the rumours even so they were 100% fake 😦
    I was humiliated very often and people said things to me that were awful and extremely rude. Anyway …I am sure you felt better by writing this letter.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww Hayley, it’s so sad that the start of the wonderful relationship you have with your fiance was marred by the actions of some really cruel bullies! How you’ve dealt with it is truly an inspiration though, you don’t speak with any bitterness at all, just openness and honesty! It’s clear that you’re a really mature person who has learned from their experiences and deserves all the happiness in the world! Sending love!

    Abbey 😍 http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

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