Dear 13 year old me,
it’s pretty weird that I’m writing from the future, right? But I’m writing because I need to tell you a few things, things I wish I could have told myself.
Firstly, slow down. You’re pushing yourself too hard to be ‘perfect’. ‘Perfect’ doesn’t exist, but I think you’re pretty amazing the way you are. You’ll get to where you need to be, but not by being hard on yourself. It’s ok to take a break, you need it.
Those girls won’t matter in 5 years time, trust me. You’ll move on from them and become so much better because of them. You won’t believe me when you read this, I know you won’t, but it will all be okay.
Friends now won’t be friends forever. Situations now won’t be the situation forever. You’re gonna go through some tough, unimaginable crap that you’re not going to expect whatsoever. Stay strong, I promise you it gets better.
And some things won’t get better, of course, inevitably. But that’s okay. You’ll learn to accept these things and move on from them.
Don’t hate your body so much. Start eating healthily, and I don’t just mean fruit and veg, I mean at regular intervals. Stop going hungry for the sake of looking good at a party. You’ll grow into your body and your body shape, don’t try and resist it to be a size 0, you weren’t meant to be that girl.
Allow yourself to love. Open yourself up. You won’t get hurt, I promise. Stop pushing people away because you’re scared of losing them, having them in the first place and losing them is better than not having them at all. You cannot protect yourself from every single bad thing in life, you must learn to adapt and deal with these things.
Read. For heavens sakes read. It’s okay. It isn’t weird. Reading will help you so so so much when you need it to.
And write. Write without limits and boundaries. Write as though no one is reading, and even though no one probably will, you’ll feel better for it.
Stop filtering yourself to be liked. Show your true colours always. You’re not a bad person, you don’t have to hide yourself. Let yourself go more.
Be more spontaneous and stop worrying so much. You’re going to handle some pretty adult things soon and you’re more than mature enough to. But you need to let yourself go and be a kid too. That’s what you’ll learn the most in 5 years, how to be spontaneous.
Anxiety attacks are okay. Don’t let them beat you. Don’t limit yourself by fearing them. Remind yourself that anxiety attacks cannot physically harm you, no matter how bad they feel at the time.
Be more positive. I know that sounds impossible, but in 5 years time you will come through everything and move to a happier place. Although bad things will happen, you will be a better person for them. You’ll be stronger, braver, happier and more spontaenous than ever. You’ll be outgoing, have new friends, write to an actual audience, and be studying the degree of your dreams. You’ll get there girl, I promise. Just don’t give up.