Hello! A sneaky extra post for this week because it is anti bullying week. This is something that is so close to my heart and is so important to me.
If you know me, you may know that I had an experience with being bullied that lasted for a span of three years, from year 9 until year 11. To be honest, I don’t want this post to dwell too much on that, as I don’t like to, but I do want to speak out about it because it is something that is so important and often is just brushed off.
For three years I hated myself. Everything about myself that they’d picked up on. My laugh, my figure, my smile for god sake, I still don’t smile in photos even today. There was even one painful instance where I tried to file my teeth down with a nail file because I was so ashamed. I cannot tell you how stupid and painful this was, but that’s what it got to.
And it wasn’t just my appearance. It was my mind, my personality, my empathy. I am a massively empathetic, emotional and caring person and they made me ashamed of that. That is something I cannot believe even today.
My main issue was the advice I was given. I told school time and time again and they brushed it off. One teacher even told me I was being ‘dramatic’. School made it even worse for me, they made me feel unworthy and alone and that is something I cannot forgive. It is not dramatic to be upset because your confidence is in shreds because of what some girls say to you, threaten you with and actually phsyically do to your home. I was scared to leave my home, I was scared to be at home.
And so many people told me I needed to ‘rise above it’ and that ‘it wouldn’t always be this way’. I mean, this wasn’t awful advice, but it made me angrier, it made me feel like they didn’t believe me and they were not on my side and they were, they were trying to help me best they could.
But I tell you what, I won. I came off better. I’m at university, studying my dream subjects for a career that I really want. I got good grades at school and never left, despite how much I wanted to. I’m happy, I’m healthy and best of all, I have my confidence back. I will never be the same person that I was before, but that’s ok, I’m stronger now and I know how to deal with people and, even ignore people.
People told me it would get better, it wouldn’t last forever and that one day it wouldn’t matter to me, and I didn’t believe them. But I should have done. It does still matter to me, it matters to me that I know so many people will be crying over bullies right now, it matters to me that people commit suicide every day because of bullying. But those people do not matter to me anymore.
Honestly, all I can tell you is that it will get better, I promise you that from the bottom of my heart. Don’t give up, keep fighting even if it takes every little ounce of your strength, it will be worth it. Life is a beautiful, wonderful, precious gift that can also be dark and scary, but it always gets better. And one day you’ll look back on it all and, whilst you won’t be glad it happened, you will realise that you are stronger for it. You can do it, all you need is someone who believes in you and that’s me; I believe in you all.
Anti bullying week runs from 14th-18th November 2016. If you’re being bullied, please speak up. Tell a parent, a friend, a teacher, a doctor, anyone you trust. Or, if you don’t have anyone you feel you can tell, call the helpline on 0808 800 2222. You can find out more information about anti bullying week and how to get involved and donate on the following webpages:
And, if you really cannot find anyone to confide in, remember I am always here for a chat!
I love you all so much,
Thank you for supporting me and being a big part in helping my confidence grow.